An Ordinary Me Page 13

  “No, Mom, I’ve always wanted to be a police officer.”

  “You want to go to college to do something that put your dad away and…”

  “No, Dad put himself away.”

  “SHUT UP, GARRISON!”

  “The truth hurts, huh?”

  I felt the back of her hand across my face and heard her scream telling me nothing I didn’t already know.

  “You are betraying us. You think you are better than us.”

  I looked at her straight in her eyes. This was another reason through my years that I would always remember and it made me surer of the life I wanted to live out of this house. The future I wanted.

  I wanted a normal life.

  I walked towards my room knowing I would have to wait for her to pass out before I tried to get anything for dinner. Just as I rounded the corner, I heard the loud thud of whatever it was she was throwing at my head that missed.

  “You are useless.”

  I screamed as I slammed my door, “Love you too, Mom.”

  This was my life as I knew it. Not good enough for Reese? Yeah, who would want a guy that was useless?

  Chapter 13

  Reese

  The graduation today was so bittersweet for me. I was so happy for Garrison that he got to walk across the stage but yet sad knowing he would be leaving for college. He had become someone I couldn’t go a day without seeing. Now he will be moving away to Texas State. It isn’t that far away but it isn’t a couple of streets over either.

  Autumn sat beside me and we cheered on all the seniors we knew.

  “Won’t be long and we will be walking across that stage!”

  “Yep.”

  “Scary?”

  “I don’t think so. I think we will be ready when we do. They all look ready!”

  “Yeah I guess.”

  When Garrison Davis was announced I stood up and clapped as loud as I could. I knew his aunt was here but other than that it was just me. He had found me in the audience screaming like a hyena and winked. I blew him a kiss trying to show him how much I really did love him. Even though, for him it was only friendship I would always love him more. To him I was his friend, to me he was the man I wanted to be with forever.

  I asked my mom one day what made her fall in love with my dad and her answer was simple, “He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He said he loved me and he showed it any moment he could.”

  That was how Garrison made me feel. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I know he loved me even if it wasn’t in the same way I loved him. He always watched out for me, even trying to warn me when I was too stupid to listen.

  After everyone had walked the stage and they threw their hats in the air for a final hooray I saw everyone disperse. I wanted to say bye to Garrison before leaving.

  I finally spotted him standing by a woman that I presumed to be his aunt Ellen.

  “Garrison…”

  He immediately brought me in for a hug and spun me around. I laughed out of happiness of seeing him so happy. He deserved it. I swore after hearing his story I would never gripe and moan about my life for a second.

  “I did it. I graduated!”

  “Yes, you did! I’m so proud of you.”

  “Reese, this is my aunt Ellen. Ellen, this is Reese.”

  Ellen put her hand out to shake mine and sweetly said, “So nice to meet you, sweetie. I have heard wonderful things about you.”

  “Yes, ma’am, same about you.”

  “I’m very proud of Garrison. He is just like a son to me.”

  I smiled happy that he had her. Thanking God he had her.

  “I better get going but I wanted to say bye. Nice to meet you, Ellen.”

  Garrison reached for my hand as I walked off. “You're going to be at the bonfire tonight right?”

  “Yeah I am…”

  “Okay. I’ll see ya then.”

  “K.”

  Garrison

  I had arrived at the bonfire early with the urgency to tell Reese how much I love her. I wasn’t going to waste any more time on feeling the way my parents made me feel. Ellen and I went to an early dinner after graduation and she gave me the best advice I have probably ever received.

  “I can’t believe my nephew has graduated!!! I don’t remember the last time I clapped and cried at the same time. I’m so proud of you!”

  “Thanks, I never had a doubt that I was going to graduate but it sure does feel good! I’m ready for Texas State, thanks to you.”

  “I’m happy to pay for it. You are like my son. I love you so much and wish I could have taken you away from all this to protect you.”

  “I know, but I survived. I’m putting it all behind me.”

  “I love to see your determination. I like to think maybe I had a little part in it. You’ve always been so special to me.”

  “And you me, Aunt Ellen. You have been so good to me in so many ways. I don’t think I would be here today if it weren’t for you. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

  “I wouldn’t hear of it, son. So tell me more about this Reese I met today. This is the girl you have told me about right?”

  “Most definitely. I love her. When I first met her, she had tripped in the hall on the first day of school. Then we just kind of kept running into each other. Some good, some bad. There was something about her that just brought me in. She was so sweet and genuine and seemed to see through the B.S. that other people bought. Well most of it…”

  “And why is she not your girlfriend?”

  “’Cause I’m not good enough for her.”

  “That is the stupidest thing you have ever said. You are probably perfect for each other. From seeing the way she looks at you I would say she is head over heels in love with you.”

  “I don’t know… I thought she was but then she kept going out with this guy I hate. I know I confused the hell out of her ‘cause I had my weak moments and didn’t hide them well.”

  “Do tell…”

  “Well, I’ve kissed her a couple of times. It wasn’t planned but stupid things led up to it and it just happened. I knew I loved her each time and wanted to tell her but then I hear this voice in the back of my head reminding me of…”

  “Your dad or your mom?”

  “Both.”

  “You can’t keep doing this, Garrison. I wish I could wipe away all you have been through so you could love and let someone love you. At your young age you already are so much more mature and wiser than I was then, hell maybe even now. Don’t ever think you are not good enough for something or someone. You are amazing and you can’t spend your life letting bad things block the good. You are a loving soul. Don’t let that go to waste…”

  I twiddled my thumbs trying to take in what she was saying but still not sure…

  “I will say it one more time and I hope you really hear me. To love someone, truly love them, inside and out is a once in a lifetime opportunity. If you pass it up you will regret it. You can very possibly pass up your one true love and will never be able to get it back. I passed mine up years ago when I was in high school. His name was Carl Owens. I didn’t think he could give me what your uncle could and I will regret it until I die. He was a great guy but I didn’t believe in him. He grew up in a home with a horrible childhood. His dad was a horrible alcoholic and was terribly abusive. Even worse than your mom if you can believe that. I’ve heard he is happy now and has a family of his own. I think I heard two little girls. He has turned into an incredible man.”

  I looked at her in shock. Reese’s dad…

  “I see you looking at me that way. Don’t get me wrong I love your uncle very much. He is an amazing man and I will never regret our life together. He has made me happier than I ever thought was possible and allowed me to give to you what you have needed. Please, please do not let your parent’s misery take your joy away.”

  “That is Reese’s dad. Carl Owens.”

  “Is it? Small world. If she
is anything like her father was, you better hold on tight. He was special.”

  “She most definitely is special. But what if she has changed her mind and doesn’t like me that way anymore? I have been telling her ALL year that we are just friends.”

  “But your actions have been showing something different right?”

  “Yeah I guess.”

  “If you love her, just tell her that. Then you won’t have anything to regret, right?”

  I hear a car door slam snapping me back to where I was at and what I wanted to tell Reese, and I turn to see if it was her. It felt like forever since I had seen her, even though it was just earlier today at graduation. She came and hollered my name as I walked across the stage. She had written all over my truck and tried to make my day special. More than anything she loved me no matter. She didn’t turn her back on me when I was an asshole which was quite often trying to make her not like me. Reese didn’t turn her back on me when she was at my house and Mom did what she did. She was a solid in my life. Someone I wish I had more years than just this one. She was placed in my life at the exact time to give me what I needed even when I didn’t know it. Reese made me see that I was worthy of a love I had never received, and she made me want to love someone back for the first time. She opened my heart to the idea that I could love someone and what love truly was. It was caring for someone and accepting them.

  She was strong in her convictions. Yes, we came from two different worlds but when we were together you would never know it. My heart ached for her. I heard music and I thought of her. I wrote songs about her. My mind drifted to her uncontrollably. I honored her. I treasured her and most of all I respected her. I just never let her know it.

  She was the first one to read the song I wrote, and I even played her the song at my house to see what she thought. We were sitting on my porch and I started humming it and drumming the slow beat on my knee. It was as if she made me see the good instead of the bad in the world, and she did it by just being her. She didn’t try to be something she wasn’t. She said it herself, she thought she was ordinary. I thought she was extraordinary. I put up this road block that I couldn’t break down hoping to protect her but instead I hurt her. Not on purpose by any means but I saw how much she tried to show me how she loved me or how many times she tried to tell me and I would shut her down, push her away. I let my stubbornness push her away in fear.

  Inside I was screaming at her to ignore me that I had loved her from the first time I saw her. I’m leaving for college tomorrow, and I have to tell her I want her to wait for me. I want her to be my girlfriend. I want her and only her. I am worthy of having the girl I love that makes me happy, and one day I want to marry her. There will never be another girl like Reese. Instead of resisting the battle I have been fighting for this entire year I am relenting.

  I am going to let myself be happy. I deserved it. I deserved Reese.

  ~ ~ ~

  The fire was already burning and seniors were all around for this last party. More and more people kept arriving and I was getting nervous she wasn’t going to show up. That would be my luck after all. For all the time I pushed her away, she might very well have had enough.

  Okay stop! I can’t think that way. No regrets.

  The moon was shining perfectly over the fire tonight, and I sat alone waiting for her. She was the only one I wanted to see. I wanted to get this off my chest before I left tomorrow. Nothing like waiting until the last minute.

  I finally see Autumn’s junky Honda pull up and my heart stopped. Play it cool, Garrison.

  I continued sitting in the chair I was in and waited as patiently as possible for her to get to me. I was holding my drink in my hand acting as if I was really enjoying the fire but really all I followed was her out of the corner of my eye.

  She walked up with Autumn and said hi to the people standing around me. Dylan gave them each a hug and they gave him congrats. Dylan wasn’t just celebrating graduating high school, the band got the break they wanted and they were getting a chance as an opening band. They were leaving in September and were thrilled. Hell I was thrilled for them. It is possible we truly could all get what we wanted out of life.

  I finally stood up and turned to face Reese… and I was speechless. She looked more beautiful than normal in a pair of white shorts and a pink t-shirt and sandals that wrapped up her ankles.

  “Hey, Reese.”

  “Garrison.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. I took a smell of her hair again, yeah, coconut for sure. Paradise…

  I hold my hand out to ask her, “You wanna walk with me so we can talk?” and then take her hand in mine. Right where it belongs.

  “Sure.”

  We started to walk and after I saw we were alone and the voices were in the distance I knew I better hurry the hell up before I backed out.

  “Sit down for a minute.” She sat and I leaned down right in front of her.

  “You know I am leaving tomorrow right?”

  “Yeah, don’t remind me. I don’t know what I am going to do with you gone. I see you almost every day and I am going to be lost.”

  “You’ll be busy! I’ll come home as much as I can on the weekends. You are as big a part of my life as I am yours.”

  “Best buds!” She smiled at me and winked.

  “Well, about that… I need to be honest with you. I want to clear the air before I leave. I actually should have done it before but I let my doubts take control.”

  I could see the worry in her eyes, and I wanted to talk even faster so she didn’t worry.

  “Reese, do you remember the song I have sung to you a few times? The one that you love and you ask me to sing.”

  “Of course I remember it.”

  “I should probably tell you that song is about…”

  Ryan comes walking up with Autumn and she is crying. Reese turns to see what is going on completely distracted. Reese stands up to comfort her. Hell! I finally get enough nerve up to tell her and then we are interrupted. Is the universe playing a joke on me?

  “These damn high school girls! Everything is fine with Autumn one minute and then the next she is upset. I don’t get it!” Ryan exclaims.

  I smirked at Ryan and didn’t have anything to add. There was only one girl I wanted, and that was Reese.

  After Reese calmed Autumn down, she came back to sit with me. I could tell the chemistry had changed between the two of us. I hadn’t yet said the words to her out loud but it was as if it didn’t matter to her tonight.

  We spent the rest of the night holding hands, her sitting in my lap by the fire. When midnight hit, I had to force myself to leave her knowing I had to leave early to get to my orientation in time. She said she was going to leave right behind me and assured me she would text me when she got home. I was sorry to leave but knew I didn’t have a choice. I had to believe since I was finally honest with her and myself that things were going to fall into place for us. Just like they should have been since the moment I felt the connection with her. She has been put in my life for a reason. This was just the beginning for us after all.

  Chapter 14

  Reese

  I wake in a total state of shock. I feel like I’m dying. Why am I lying on my bedroom floor by my window? I am covered in vomit and blood. I’m not sure which I have more of. The smell around me is horrendous. I try to move to sit up but can’t. My whole body is numb and weak. My eyes are trying to close, and I am fighting them to stay open. I feel chunks of rising vomit burning my throat but can barely pick myself up off the floor to get to the bathroom. My legs are failing me, but I have got to get to the bathroom. I start to crawl and try to pull along the bottom part of my body. Only getting a couple of inches before I have to stop and lay my head on the floor to catch my breath and wake myself back up. I have no strength and the pain shooting through my body is like a venom filling my veins that I can’t fight. It is stronger than me. I’m telling my body to move but nothing is happening. I’m surrendering.
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  I finally make it to the bathroom and try to prop myself up to vomit over the toilet. I lean my body up against the bathtub so I can lean over, hoping I don’t fall in. I heave and heave and all I see in the toilet is blood. I blink my eyes to try to make it normal. It can’t be blood. It has to just be my eyes. I try to grab for a towel to wipe my face, and instead I fall hitting my head on the toilet. The loud bang of the collision or the retching sounds of me getting violently sick must have woken my little sister.

  “Are you okay, Reese?”

  “I don’t know.” That’s not true though. I know I am sick, but I’m scared not knowing what was happening and why I felt so sick.