An Ordinary Me Page 8

  “What type?”’

  “Obviously the type you are used to?”

  “I get it. I won’t try anything again until you tell me you are ready.”

  “Cannon, we have only hung out what three times?”

  “So?”

  “So what made you think I would just be okay with it?”

  “Most girls are. Hell Autumn is. She and Ryan have…”

  I cut him off, “Well, I’m not most girls or Autumn.”

  “Ten four. I get it.”

  I didn’t really have much more to say. I didn’t believe anything that was coming out of his mouth. I smiled at him to get him to leave and then made my way to class hoping Garrison would be the next face I saw.

  I had already talked to Autumn and she said she was sorry too. She thought I was going on the porch to cool off. She didn’t seem bothered by the fact I walked home by myself probably because she will walk places by herself all the time. Again, she lived a different life then I did.

  ~ ~ ~

  After knowing that Garrison lives just a couple of streets away I started to walk by his house. Sometimes he was home, sometimes not. He had become my best friend even more than Autumn. He listened to me and when Autumn would tell me whatever I was feeling wasn’t normal he always just listened. She wanted to debate about why I wasn’t ready for things and lately, every conversation with Autumn became a disagreement.

  He started to play some of his new music for me, and I loved to listen. Even when I talked about Cannon, he would listen and just bite his lip. I know how badly he disliked Cannon. I just didn’t know why. It wasn’t something he was going share with me and I had come to accept that.

  I had never seen his mother or his dad. I thought it was pretty weird since I had been over quite a few times. We always sat on the porch and talked never going into his house.

  “Your parents’ home?”

  “No, why do you ask?”

  “I was just curious. They never seem to be home. They must work a lot.”

  “Yeah I guess.”

  I started twirling my hair around in a circle with my finger like I always did when I was anxious.

  “Cannon asked me out again. What do you think?”

  “You’ve never asked my opinion before about it. Or took my advice…”

  “I know, but you’re one of my best friends now. I just wanted to know your thoughts.”

  “About?”

  “Cannon.”

  “My opinion won’t change on Cannon but that’s for me to deal with, not you.”

  “I heard someone talking today about how you asked out Andrea today.”

  “And who did you hear that from?” He won’t look up to see my face, and I wasn’t about to look him straight in the eye.

  I paused.

  “Ahh, I know who told you. Asshole. Anyway, I figured why not? I don’t have much time left here at school and haven’t gone out for a while between the band and school…”

  “Are you going to take her to the Winter Ball?”

  “Not sure yet.” He changed the subject looking uncomfortable. “Hang on a sec, I want to get something for you to look at.”

  “Okay.” He walked in his house and came back with a notebook.

  “This is a song I have been working on, the lyrics. I have a tune in my head but haven’t played it out yet with the band. Normally, I don’t sing much but this song just popped into my head late one night, the night after I walked you home. I stayed up writing it.”

  I started to read the words and tears filled my eyes. They were the sweetest words I had ever heard. There was a part of me that had hoped he had felt this way about me at one time but he had made it clear that he didn’t have that interest in me.

  “When you love a girl from a distance, you want to touch her cheek so badly, bring her close when she is suffering, and protect her from heartache. Be the only one that gets to love her and promise her a forever.

  “Dreaming of a future with her that won’t exist when my mask falls and she sees the real me because I am not half as good as she is. Maybe this one girl can heal my stubborn heart and teach me love is worth it.”

  He looked up at me as I finished reading it and my heart skipped a beat. I was trying to close my eyes and blink a couple of times to keep the tears prisoner in my eyelids. We were face to face and he moved a little closer to me. I held my breath with hope and nervousness at the same time. I just knew he was going to kiss me but again instead he pulled back looking away. Whoever this girl is that he loves, she is one lucky girl. I hope someone loves me that much one day. I know who my someone is, too bad they don’t feel the same way.

  Reese

  Garrison met me two days later at his driveway when I was taking Foxy, my dog, for a walk. Well, she wasn’t originally my dog. Natalie wanted her for her birthday last year but quickly got bored with her, which meant she became my dog. She was a big pain in my butt until she became an excuse for me to see Garrison. I had never been consistent with walking her but now… I thought why not just walk in front of his house on the way to the small dog park a couple blocks away. I would walk by his house and just hope he would be home. He must have started to look for me too because almost every time I walked by he was on his porch.

  He would walk with me to the park. We had our best talks those days, and I fell more and more in love with him. I would catch him staring at me sometimes but he would look away quickly or he would say that a bug was on my shirt or I had something on my face and act like he was there shooing it away. I knew better. He wasn’t fooling anyone.

  He continued to talk about his love for music and would tap on anything we sat next to, a tree, a bench, anything holding a beat to a song in his head. It always made me wonder what song he was hearing in his brain.

  He would ask more about me and I would go on and on about everything or nothing in particular. I could talk to him about anything or we could sit in silence.

  He loved to hear about my home life and my parents. He laughed when I told them how overprotective they were and he looked at me with jealousy in his eyes. I always resisted talking about it knowing he didn’t have it but not to what extent.

  “You don’t know how lucky you have it, Reese.”

  “Lucky? How do you figure?”

  “I wish my parents gave two shits what I was doing. They… you just have no idea at all what you are griping about.”

  “I didn’t mean I wasn’t grateful for it… I am… It just is hard.”

  “What is hard is not having parents that love you.”

  It snapped me back to a reality that I had and he didn’t.

  ~ ~ ~

  Our time together became my favorite time and it seemed the more I liked him the more he pulled away. I didn’t comprehend why. I did know that I didn’t care what time I got with him as long as I got it. I looked forward to seeing him, seeing his smile and hanging out doing nothing. Our nothings together were my something. I was confused after leaving him but during our time together, our time was uncomplicated.

  We sometimes would lie on the grass and look up at the clouds with Foxy’s leash around my ankle, so she wouldn’t run off. We would talk about what we wanted to be when we got out of school and the things we liked and didn’t. I loved to be with Garrison. I felt so relaxed with him. I always was on guard with Cannon, not sure what might happen next, always on high alert. I never had to be that way with Garrison.

  “I want to be a meteorologist when I graduate. I’d love to actually give people a correct forecast for once. Of course, in Texas that might be a goal I won’t be able to reach.”

  He laughed. I loved his laugh.

  “Why are you laughing at me? How is that funny?”

  “No reason. It’s not something you hear people say. It’s unusual. I was thinking you were going to say the normal, you know the doctor or vet.”

  “Ha ha, I’m not as predictable as you think.”

  “Ya, I knew that.”

&nbs
p; “What do you want to be?” I asked him.

  “I usually don’t really discuss it for reasons of my own.”

  “That’s insane, Garrison. I shared and you have to too!”

  “Okay, I want to be happy.”

  I think he just broke my heart. I gotta play this off…

  “No, I mean seriously!” I squealed at him.

  “I want to be a Drug Enforcement agent. I already have everything lined up so I can go right after I graduate. I have some basic classes I have to do at college to get my bachelors degree in criminal justice and then I’ll go to the academy.”

  “What exactly is the DEA?”

  “Drug Enforcement Agency. I would be taking down drug manufacturers and dealers. I’ve dreamed of doing it all my life.” The smile on his face wasn’t lost on me.

  I knew exactly why but I wasn’t going to share that. “That’s great you are going to follow your dreams.”

  “I guess.”

  “Why don’t you talk about it?”

  “My parents would be totally against it. The only one that knows is my aunt… and now you… I’ve never shared it with anyone.”

  “Why?”

  “That’s a discussion for another time. It’s a long story.”

  “Okay…” I really couldn’t question him. If he didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t going to push not yet anyway.

  We turned to where we were face to face, and our noses were almost touching, and I giggled. This was the closest I had ever been to a guy, and it felt so nice. Nothing like it had felt when Cannon was trying to hold my hand or make a move. This felt normal, natural, like home. He moved a little closer to my face and I closed my eyes for just a minute hoping to take a snapshot of this memory. Click, click.

  Maybe he is feeling the way I am feeling.

  And then, just as my life normally goes, someone interrupts.

  “Garrison, I thought that was you over here. I was with Samantha walking her dog. Why are you laying on the grass?”

  He sat up quicker than I had ever seen anybody move. “Oh hey, Claire.”

  I sat up and grabbed Foxy’s leash. I stood up and wiped my butt to make sure I didn’t have any grass on it.

  “Claire, this is Reese. Reese, this is Claire.”

  I stuck my hand out to shake it and she wrapped her arm around Garrison’s arm ignoring me.

  Okay?? Not sure what that was for, but I stepped back.

  Garrison pushed her arm off his. “Claire, knock it off. I don’t have to answer to you.”

  “Garrison, don’t be that way.” She pouted.

  “You see me hanging out with another girl and now you have an interest? You didn’t have any interest before when you were making out with… Never mind… It’s done, doesn’t matter.”

  “Come on, Reese, I’ll walk you home.”

  He took my hand and we made our way passing her speechless trying to compute what had just happened.

  As we rounded the corner I was curious as to what all that was about.

  “Garrison… What was that all about?”

  “Nothing much. She was a girl I dated a few times. It wasn’t anything serious. I haven’t really dated anyone for very long. I really don’t date in fact. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone out with a few girls but I don’t want a relationship. I’ve always wanted to stay focused on school and what I want in life.”

  “Well, something was definitely going on there.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not going to go into the whole story but she was a girl I liked and she screwed around on me with someone I’ve never liked. It was an un-proclaimed competition on his end not mine. I wasn’t upset about Claire it wasn’t like I had something for her, it was more the lying, the dishonesty.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Yeah, you could say that.”

  He still was holding my hand and I loved every bit of it. He stopped for a minute.

  “I really like you a lot, Reese. I respect you, and I think you are beautiful and smart. I love your honesty and I trust you. That’s not something I take for granted or something that comes along easily. You’ve really become the best friend I’ve ever had. I just wanted you to know. I wish…”

  “You wish what?”

  “I wish that I had met you in other circumstances. I wish my life wasn’t the way it was.”

  “I don’t understand.” I was totally lost. He had let go of my hand, but I hadn’t noticed because I was listening to his words and watching his lips move.

  “I’m not good for you, Reese.”

  “I think you are over exaggerating.”

  “No, I’m not. You don’t know enough about me. If you did you would understand what I am saying. If you knew… you would think differently. I am just so thankful we are friends.”

  “Yes, we are most certainly friends.” I smiled as big as my mouth would allow. I really wanted to shake him till he had sense or strangle him until he decided to explain to me what he meant.

  It wasn’t long until we arrived at my house. “Thanks for walking with me.”

  “You’re welcome.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

  “Sorry about crazy Claire.”

  “No worries.” I giggled.

  “See you at school tomorrow.”

  “Sounds good.”

  He started to walk away and towards his house. I thought how sad it was that he thought he was not good enough for me. That he didn’t even want to try. Or was it because I was ordinary? Maybe it was me?

  How is it possible to love someone and keep it quiet? Never to utter those very words knowing he doesn’t feel the same way. I finally fall in love and he only wants to be friends. He is everything I have always wanted and he keeps me at a distance making sure we don’t get too close. How can I ignore my feelings and act like I don’t have them when we are around each other? How do I resist the urge to move my lips towards his when he is talking to me?

  Chapter 8

  Reese

  This afternoon I have to stay after school to get my research completed for my science paper due on Global Warming, something I know absolutely nothing about. I haven’t been studying near as normal since I am either trying to learn routines for the dance team or hanging out with Autumn or Garrison. It has been a whole new world to me, and I love it. Stressing me? Ya, a little. I am writing as fast as my hand possibly can and reading through the five research books I have spread out in front of me. All the computers are full, so I won’t be able to get on one of those before I need to leave.

  Staring at a book instead of reading it for my research, Autumn interrupts me by smacking her gum and sitting beside me. “What are you working on?”

  “Shhhh, be quiet. You can’t talk loud like that in the library.” I smirked at her like she should know better.

  Everyone looked up around us, huffing and puffing to let us know we were being too loud.

  She starts to whisper, “I got some news for you.”

  “Can you tell me later? I have to get this finished so I can get it typed tonight.”

  “Sure, it can wait, but it’s about Garrison.”

  She said the one name that she knew would stop me. I put my pen down. “Spill.”

  “I found out what his problem is… Why he is the way he is. You know stand-offish.”

  She pauses.

  “And…”

  “His daddy is in prison. His mom is some addict from what I hear.”

  I just stared into space. “Prison?”

  “Yep! For dealing drugs. I heard he even made them in his house.”

  “That is screwed up.”

  “How did you find this out?”

  “Dylan. I told him I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

  “And he just told you that?”

  “I can be very persuasive.”

  “This I already knew.”

  “I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. I thought he was into something and Dylan told me out of defending him.”

  “I fe
el so bad for him. That would explain some of what he has said to me.”

  “That is why he doesn’t date. He has gone on a few dates with some girls but it was never anything serious. Dylan said he thinks he is not good enough for anyone.”

  “That is insane.”